For those people who know me well, the Green Lantern is my all time favorite superhero. Sure, I get part of my nickname from Captain America, but Cap will never shine the light (pun intended) that Hal Jordan and company have shone in my general direction.
I remember my first encounter with my budding love for the comic. I was at Six Flags with some friends, looking at the capes they had, trying to pick one out for my girlfriend. After deciding to get a little something for myself, my eyes wandered over to some hats on a table. Being a lover of hats, I decided to get one. I reached for a Flash or Batman one (can't recall) when a green snap-back with a black brim caught my eye. The words "Green Lantern" where written across the front in white lettering. Instinct told me to pick it up and purchase it. As fate would have it, I had also started to watch the Green Lantern animated series online, so the fit seemed natural.
Fast forward a month or two. I was at the mall with my girlfriend and her roommate. After aimlessly wandering around Lids for a while, we moved on to Newberry Comics, a favorite store of mine. While there are a billion things in that store I could have purchased, something drew me over to the graphic novels. My eyes scanned the shelves, looking to buy something to start a comic collection. And there it was. Geoff John's 2009 masterpiece of a mini series collected in one book. Blackest Night. I was itching to read it since hearing about it on the internet. I quickly snatched it up and headed to the counter with my purchase. As fate would have it, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights was on sale at FYE, and such began my obsession with the man called Hal Jordan.
There are four main Green Lanterns I could have been drawn to: John Stewart, Kyle Radner, Guy Garner and Hal Jordan. But something about Hal Jordan, The Man Without Fear, drew me to reading his stories. Tales of love and lost, betrayal and defeat, sacrifice and victory flew by my eyes as I read Blackest Night. Something about this man, this fictional character, connected with me on an emotional level. But what was it. Then it clicked. The Man Without Fear. The man who showed tremendous will power, enough to be the first Green Lantern from Earth. The man who lost everything multiple times, only to rise back to his feet and stare evil in the face. The man who looked death in the face multiple times and said "Come and get me". The man, despite all this, still fears for the ones he loves and has moments of self-doubt. The Man Without Fear who was still afraid.
"How could this be?" I thought. "How can the so called Man Without Fear be afraid?" I knew that all superheroes had a flaw, but fear is the natural opposite of will, the core power of the Green Lantern Corps. Then I made the realization that started to change my life. Hal Jordan could overcome fear because of his will power. He took on the emotion that should have been his weakness and turned it into his greatest strength. "If a fictional character could do that," I thought to myself, "why can't I?"
To the people I trust and care about, they know that I struggle with anxiety and some minor depression. It has hindered me in the past, caused me to lose all control and fail miserably at school and some aspects of life. When I made the realization that Hal Jordan and I weren't so different, I had already been kicked out of school the second time, this time for good. I was really down and out, disappointed with myself, looking for someone to blame. I didn't want to continue feeling like a failure. So I made myself a promise. A promise that would help whenever I was feel depressed or anxious, whenever my mind went full throttle and would send me into panic attack. It stated "If Hal Jordan can do what he did, you can accomplish whatever you want." Sure, I still have my major set backs. I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to by now. But I started. With my anxiety acting up at the stupidest things, its a miracle I got done what few things I did. I'm proud of myself for it.
It may be weird that I'm comparing my life to a fictional character, but it works. Whenever I'm down for the count, I put on some music or pick up a book, yet my mind wanders to the Green Lantern. Like him, I am afraid. Afraid of failing again. Afraid of letting my friends and family down. Afraid of letting myself slip into a dark place. My eyes wander over to my book shelf as I write this, knowing that in the many pages that are stored there is a man. A man who can overcome fear and loss. A man who I am glad to say is a hero to me and many other people. I can't say when I will, but one day I will become just like him. A man without fear. A man who can turn his greatest weakness into his greatest strength.
I am Adam Bento. The Green Lantern known as Hal Jordan saved my life. I was pulled out of the darkest period of my life and into the light. I do not know when I will fully come out of it. But when I do, I can say that a fictional man in one of the most influential comic books of the past ten years saved me with one important lesson:
Will Over Fear
